By: Wendy Lynne
and Stu Friedman
Most of us want our children to be great at sports. Who among us does not want our son or daughter to be the next Michael Jordan, Tom Brady, Mia Hamm, Serena/Venus Williams, or Annika Sorenstam? In addition to natural ability, all of these athletes share the benefit of extraordinary sports parents. These parents have helped their children cope with fear, stress, and anxiety, and reach their full potential as elite athletes.
How can you help your child cope with fear, stress, and anxiety, and reach their full potential both on the field and in life?
It all starts with explaining to them that there are 2 kinds of fear:
1. Fear of physical harm like being maimed by a bear or being injured in an automobile accident; and
2. Fear of experiencing failure and difficult emotions such as disappointment, worry, sadness, anger, and/or embarrassment.
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| Failure |
Most youth athletes' biggest problem is they get performance anxiety, which defeats their confidence and negatively impacts their physical performance. Performance anxiety comes when children are afraid. They FEAR....failure, making mistakes, choking, embarrassment, disappointment, letting others down, etc. Fear of failure is what holds most athletes back from achieving greatness.
If you can help your child get over his or her fear of failure and difficult emotions, then your child can build back their confidence, reach their full potential, and become fearless in both sports and other activities in their life. This is one of the big lessons taught at the Mental Toughness Academy.
At the Mental Toughness Academy, kids learn that fear is nothing more than the release of chemicals in their body. When
Craig Sigl, the Mental Toughness Trainer, has a big group of kids in a room, he will ask "What is it you are worrying about?" or "What is holding you back?" Once the kids get the concept that it is just chemicals being released in their body, every kid in the room yells out "just chemicals".
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| Craig Sigl |
Once children understand this, it can be a huge relief. They understand the stomach butterflies and can cope with them.
Here are some tips to help boost your child's confidence:
1.
Explain the difference between objective and subjective. Help your child to evaluate their performance based on objective true facts instead of subjective feelings. When athletes are subjective their emotions take over, such as frustration and anger, and that's when they can become overly self-critical. Understanding the difference between objective and subjective can help your child manage their feelings and focus on improving performance.
2.
Teach objectivity. Ask your child, "How would you view your performance if you were the most positive coach in the world? What are some positive things a coach might tell you that would help make you feel more confident?"
3
. Focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Help your child to stop focusing on the plays, shots, or passes that got away from them. Ask your child, "What are the things that you did well in today's practice, game, or competition?" If necessary, offer you positive perspective.
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| Dad Coaching Son |
4.
Help your child identify things they can improve, not their shortcomings. Instead of allowing your child to focus on all of the reasons they failed or messed up in the big game over the weekend, help your child focus on what they can practice and improve for the next big game. Help your child communicate with their coach and identify skill building activities your child can do with the team, on their own, or with you.
Confidence and fearlessness for your kids will come when they know that they have your support and have strategies to improve.
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| Fun With Coach |
What might be holding your child back in sports or in other aspects of their life? Would explaining "it's just chemicals" help them get past their fears? What tools have you used to help your child get past their fears?
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| Wendy Lynne |
Go
here to download a free eBook "The 10 Commandments To Being A Great Sports Parent" and a free training for youth athletes "How To Master The Pressure".
Click
here Learn more about the Mental Toughness Academy. Wendy Lynne is the Director of The Mental Toughness Academy. The Academy's online training resources help kids build confidence, determination, and the ability to bounce back from adversity - Mental Toughness.
